YOUR BODY, YOUR BABY,
YOUR BIRTH
Janet and Paul's Story
Tamara is Janet & Paul's 2nd baby; she was born at home in water.
Both our daughters (Isolda 5 & Tamara who is now one month old) were born at home. However, the two experiences were so completely different it is hard to believe that both produced a baby!
Isolda was born after a long, difficult labour, just minutes before the ambulance arrived to take us to hospital (luckily we were ok & able to stay at home). I didn't get the water birth that I had wanted and ended up with just about every form of intervention possible to have at home. In the days after her birth there was no opportunity to talk to the midwives about what had happened, or why, & both Paul & I were left traumatised. I concentrated on looking after our new baby & tried to forget about it all, but I always felt that in some way the fact that I hadn't got the birth I had planned was my own fault: I hadn't tried hard enough/pushed hard enough/coped with the pain well enough.
During my first pregnancy I was told by several health professionals (midwives/GPs/hospital consultant) that the experience of the birth was not significant & that - however awful it was - I would soon forget about & "get over" it. But this simple wasn't the case, not least having to cope with a baby knocked out by pethidine who refused to feed & a painful episiotomy wound that refused to heal.
When I found out that I was pregnant with Tamara I knew that I wanted her birth to be different. More than anything I wanted it to be a calm & peaceful experience & I wanted to labour at my own pace, without instructions shouted at me!
We didn't book independent care straight away (although with the benefit of hindsight I wish we had) but decided to try the NHS to find out if they could offer the sort of birth we were hoping for. The first midwife due to see us for a booking visit refused to enter the house after seeing our dog barking at the window. The next midwife to visit explained about their "written dog policy", meaning that a midwife can refuse to see a woman unless the dog is removed from the premises. They had concerns about the dog attacking the midwife & there had been a case of a dog running off with the placenta . . . . I was somewhat surprised that it was our dog that was to prove the first obstacle in arranging a home birth! More worryingly, there was no guarantee that a midwife would be available to attend the birth, & if one could be provided the chances were that we would have not met her beforehand. Then, after eight hours another midwife would take over . . . . .We were told that not having the opportunity to get to know the midwife before the birth wasn't a problem - second babies were born so quickly that I wouldn't notice who was there. I wasn't convinced. However quick the birth was going to be, it was still important to us to get to know our care givers before going into, rather than during labour. After some discussion around this the NHS midwife told us that to get the sort of service we wanted we had no option but to book a private midwife so it was up to us to make a decision. By this point we felt that there wasn't really a decision to make.
Continuity of care was important. It meant that there was plenty of time to discuss the sort of birth we wanted - & the sort we didn't want. The whole family (including Sasha the dog!) got to know Judy & Debbie & it was immensely reassuring knowing who would be with us when the baby was born, by which time they were trusted friends as much as professional midwives. After my previous experience I was very anxious about giving birth a second time - I still had doubts about my ability to cope with pain & another long labour. Judy suggested obtaining my notes from Isolda's birth to talk through what had happened & although reading them on my own was initially distressing (especially being labelled "failure to progress") it turned out to be extremely helpful. After, Judy, Debbie & I had read & discussed the notes I started to realise that a bad birth experience had been more the result of decisions made out of my control rather than my own inability to give birth. I began to feel faintly confident that it might be ok this time.
Using an independent practice also meant that my pregnancy & Tamara's birth involved the whole family & not just me. (The few NHS appointments that Paul had attended with me had seen him placed on a chair in a corner & largely excluded from any discussion.) We were able to make antenatal appointments when Paul was able to join us; it was very much a team effort & not something that was happening exclusively to me. It was important to us that our daughter Izzi was involved in every stage & Judy & Debbie were wonderful at helping her to feel included. Izzi took my blood pressure, listened to the baby's heartbeat & probably asked more questions than I did!
After a couple of false starts labour began on August 23rd - exactly a week after my due date. Judy & Debbie arrived in the afternoon, by which time I was already in the birthing pool. I used gas & air as the contractions got more painful which took the edge off the pain & provided a focus for my breathing. As Judy & Debbie had promised, I was left to labour in my own way at my own pace: there was no shouting, no interruptions, no intervention, just support & quiet encouragement. I felt calm & in control of what was happening. Paul was with me all the time & Izzi alternated between watching videos in the living room & coming in to ask "is the baby here yet?" & sighing when I said no - a bit like a car journey! As the second stage began I did feel scared - the contractions were immensely powerful & the gas & air had stopped having any noticeable effect. I didn't really believe Judy when she said that the baby was nearly ready to be born - I had been in labour less than 5 hours &, still remembering the last time, felt that there must be at least another two or three hours to go . . . . . But my body seemed to take over & with a few huge contractions Tamara was born underwater & gently lifted to the surface. It was exactly what I had hoped for - calm & peaceful & not one shout of "push"! I held Tamara in the water as we waited for the placenta to be delivered & Izzi & Paul met their new sister/daughter - it was a very special time. Tamara fed for the first time in the pool with remarkable ease. After we left the pool Izzi cut the cord (of which she is immensely proud & still talking about) & generally "helped" Judy & Debbie. She was very excited about Tamara's arrival & managed to delay bedtime until 1am.
In the days following Tamara's birth continuity of care proved to be just as important. After Izzi was born I had seen variety of midwives & GP's who all provided conflicting advice (everything from persevering with breast feeding to supplementing feeds with Ribena at 2 days old . . . )that was both confusing & made me feel very anxious. Having consistent support & guidance made a real difference during Tamara's early weeks. Judy & Debbie were always available on the telephone on the days that we didn't have a visit & again this was extremely reassuring. I feel that receiving this sort of care, & being given the support to give birth in the way that I wanted has enabled me to make a quick postnatal recovery. Tamara has benefited too: she is a contented baby (most of the time!), feeding well & putting weight on.
Tamara's birth was a really positive experience for everyone. Paul & I got exactly the birth we wanted, Izzi took part in an exciting, but normal family event; & Tamara got the best possible start to life. Having given birth in two vastly different ways I really believe that a good birth experience isn't something that just happens but it a result of the right sort of care & support, & being able to make informed choices. Judy & Debbie made all this possible & thanks to them, a special event was made to be very normal & - what is after all - a normal event was also an incredibly special one.
Before my sister Tamara was born I played in the pool with Mummy & Daddy. It was fun. When Tamara was born I played guess the underwater creature with Debbie & I watched Finding Nemo. Tamara came out quickly. When she got out of the pool I cut the cord & I helped Judy & Debbie. It was very exciting. The next day we had a birthday cake for Tamara with candles. I like being a big sister & helping to look after Tamara.
Our private, alternative service brings you an independent midwife for continuity of care and home birth. Centred on our base in Ilkley (in West Yorkshire in the north of England), we operate as self-employed midwives. Our freelance practice covers Leeds, Bradford, Halifax, Keighley, Oakworth, Howarth, Skipton, Settle, Harrogate, Knaresborough, Ilkley, Otley, Huddersfield, Wakefield, Halifax, Barnsley, Sheffield, Doncaster, Goole, Selby, York, Wetherby, Knaresborough, Thirsk, Northallerton, Settle, Kendal, Lancaster, Preston, Blackburn, Burnley, Bolton, Bury, Wigan, Rochdale, Oldam, Lancashire and South Cumbria.